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02-May-2019 08:29

It helps you not get fooled by good sexual chemistry Many people believe that jumping into bed in the early stages of a relationship is a way to test sexual compatibility, a way to audition a partner, if you will.

If this theory were true then people who do not test out sexual chemistry before commitment should have shorter, more unhappy, relationships.

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But psychology professor Dean Busby and his colleagues at Brigham Young University were unable to make this connection in a study of more than 2,000 couples.

People with good sexual chemistry early on did not stay together longer. “The mechanics of good sex are not particularly difficult or beyond the reach of most couples, but the emotions, the vulnerability, the meaning of sex and whether it brings couples closer together are much more complicated to figure out.”4.

But is this a positive development or something to be concerned about?

You avoid a giant let down Renowned evolutionary psychology professor David Buss at the University of Texas at Austin and Martie G.

Haselton at the University of California, Los Angeles found that the more previous sexual partners a man has, the more likely he is to quickly perceive diminished attractiveness in a woman after first intercourse. If the guy is a player, sex more often leads to distain for his partner.5.

While I am fascinated with why things don’t work out, I am perhaps more interested in why things do go well.

The deck seems so stacked against real love and long-term exchanges of care that the data on what actually works in relationships jumped out at me.Do the plethora of revolving dating partners and sex without dating help us find romantic partners that last more than a few weeks or months? I began my research on the state of our unions by looking at the growing number of early life attachment injuries that predispose adults to avoid or obsess over intimacy. Children of emotional neglect or abuse can grow up to become vigilant clock-watchers, obsessively reading texts like tea leaves, ever the ready to perceive a threat of abandonment, while others behave like skilled surgeons on a quest for no-love-attached sex, cleverly slicing into hearts until the genitals become available and then slipping out the door before the triage.



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