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14-Apr-2019 15:52

Gadoua suggests checking out real apartment listings online, and paying attention to how you feel."It'll give you another layer of reality, which can then help you know what the right next step is," she says. If excitement or relief is your prominent emotion (rather than fear or apprehension), it may be a sign to acknowledge that there are serious problems in your marriage."You can be in the same room, one of you on the computer, one of you [watching TV]," Fleming says, but "if you find that you're never actively engaging together — you're together, alone, doing your own thing — that's an indication there's disconnection, or a lack of connection." "We often ignore our gut instincts because that voice is very quiet and calm, unlike the internal voice in our heads that thrives on high drama." We're trained to trust logic in many areas of life, so when a niggling feeling ("Am I really still in love with this person?") presents itself, it's hard to pay attention to it because there aren't any hard facts or rational reasoning."In order to face her relationship unhappiness, a woman needs to stop distracting herself by putting other people's needs ahead of her own," says Gadoua."Doing this can be a way of avoiding her painful truth." So if you find yourself getting unnecessarily involved in a fight between your mother and sister, or you're always rushing around trying to make other people's lives easier, it might be time to take a hard look at your own relationship.One way to distinguish between a run-of-the-mill marital rut (where you've, say, fallen into boring routines and don't have much sex anymore) and a loveless marriage is to ask yourself how long the situation has been this way, and whether it's been steadily worsening."Most couples go through rough times, but if the difficulties last more than two years, with no sign of relief, I'd recommend seeking professional help," says Gadoua.

"If there's a fight and the couple doesn't talk about what happened, or becomes gridlocked in their position and refuses to listen to their partner's perspective, that's not good," says Cole.

"Fights can lead to greater intimacy if the couple processes the fight and repairs the relationship," says Cole.



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